Is This Brand of Urgency Costing Them Money?

CRANK UP THE URGENCY, PACO! PUT SOME RÁPIDAMENTE IN YOUR MAÑANA!

Sometimes, it just hard to believe what otherwise intelligent folks will say when confronted with the idea of advertising.

Last week, I'm reading the local paper, and I spot a new ad.

It caught my eye because it was so badly laid out.

It's a big ad, a quarter page. The top half of the ad is black with white type and bullet points scattered all over it. Nothing calls out to the reader. It's just visual noise.

The bottom half of the ad is just the business name and address, URL and location details.

And the ad's headline says...

"SEE AN EMERGENCY PHYSICIAN IN A RELAXED URGENT CARE SETTING..."

I read that and spit coffee all over the paper.

OK, well, I'm making that part up.

But I wanted to spit coffee all over the paper.

Here we have a business that is presumably staffed by people who spent 8 years of their lives in higher learning, surrounded by at least a few other people who must have four years of college under their belts, and nobody there sees the problem with the headline, "SEE AN EMERGENCY PHYSICIAN IN A RELAXED URGENT CARE SETTING..."

If you need an ER doc, do you really want him to be relaxed?

"What's that? Blood is squirting out of his femoral artery? Let me finish my coffee and sudoku, and I'll be right there. Oooh, look. Donuts!"

WHAT WAS THE CONVERSATION THAT SPAWNED THIS AD?

I realize how these folks might want to convey the idea of an emergency room alternative--especially in a town where sports-related injuries are as common as hangnails.

And considering that there's a brand spanking new hospital (with an ER) on the edge of town getting a lot of press, advertising is probably a good idea.

And it's entirely likely that this little medical center right in town is indeed less busy and more relaxed than the hospital's ER.

But really, does the idea of "relaxed emergency care" make any sense?

And, indeed, "urgent care" has evolved as a business concept for ambulatory care centers--but is there any consumer anywhere in the country who actually has the phrase "urgent care setting" ready to roll off the tip of her tongue?

I don't think so.

What's wrong with actually saying what you mean?

Why not write the headline in words that make simple sense?

"EMERGENCY CARE THAT'S CLOSER. CALMER. QUICKER."

That's hardly a genius headline.

But ya know what?

It makes a lot more sense.

It's more likely to grab a reader's attention.

It gets the point across.

And, perhaps most importantly, it doesn't make the advertiser look foolish.

And foolishness is exactly what an "emergency physician in a relaxed urgent care setting" conveys.

THEIR HEADLINE SAYS, "WE DON'T GET IT"

And interestingly, whoever created the ad did "get it" on some level.

The ad is packed with benefit-laden bullet points--any one of which could have been tweaked into a better headline.

Instead of one big ad that doesn't really invite anyone to read it, it could have been broken down into a series of smaller ads and run as a campaign that might actually have a profound impact for the advertiser.

I have to assume that this ad is a product of the paralysis of rational thought that occurs when otherwise intelligent people are confronted with creating advertising.

Advertising is nothing more than a conversation.

And the more conversational advertising can be, the more friends it's going to win.