READ THIS AD OR DIE
I have no idea why, but there's a particular paradigm in email advertising.
This model requires an exclamatory, in-your-face subject line like, "If you don't jump on this deal, you're crazy!"
Or, "I can't believe you haven't signed up yet!"
Or, "What's wrong with you!?"
I swear, I've actually had subject lines comes at me that said essentially, "What's wrong with you, you moron!?"
There is nothing that makes me hit the delete key faster than a subject-line trumpet blaring in my face.
"HEY YOU! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! OPEN THIS EMAIL! NOW!"
Nope.
"Hey, you! Open this email now or you're crazy!"
Guess I'm crazy.
"Read this email now or you're missing out on fabulous wealth, amazing sex, and a life of luxurious Dionysian excesses!"
I'll die poor, celibate and sober.
It's as if the people responsible for these ads have no comprehension of enticement.
And while email is visible and abundant, this situation isn't unique to email. It happens all around us, constantly.
I can't tell you how many radio commercials I hear where the first word of the script is: "Attention!"
Woof!
DOGGIE COMMANDS MUST DIE
Just because you want someone's attention, it doesn't mean saying, "I want your attention" helps your case.
Sit! Heel! Stay! Open! Listen! Watch!
These commands are the kinds of things you bark in a master/servant relationship.
The dog has no choice if he doesn't want to pay the price, which is a swat.
The consumer, however, has a choice. And typically, if we order him to open, listen, or watch, he's gone.
Because he's not our servant.
Yes, there are a few people with severely diminished self worth who might pay attention, but what they really need is not what we're selling but some intensive psychotherapy.
Do any of us really want this person as a customer?
WE ALL WANT ROMANCE, MY FRIENDS
We all want to be seduced.
No, I'm not talking about those emails that promise, um...indiscriminate foreign jezebels of loose moral character.
Or mail order Russian brides. (How come there are no mail order Russian grooms?)
Look at the thesaurus for synonyms of "seduce," and you find words like allure, bewitch, charm, captivate, and attract.
Most people simply don't have much of that in their lives. And when it suddenly comes around--even in the form of an advertisement--they pay attention.
This is nothing new. It's been practiced by some of the most ancient of marketers.
GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE SERPENT IF YOU WANT
The serpent never commanded Eve to eat from the Tree of Knowledge.
Instead, he quizzed her about why she avoided it.
Then, he sold her a dream of a better reality.
He told her that if she eats the fruit, she and Adam will "be as gods."
And, of course, we all know what really happened.
In this litigious time of ours, Eve probably would have had recourse through the courts against the serpent on a false advertising charge.
But the serpent never sent an email with the subject line, "EAT THIS FRUIT OR YOU'RE NUTS!"
He seduced her into buying what he was selling.
And that model has served well for subsequent generations at the hands of legions of marketers, albeit more scrupulous and well intentioned.
"THEY LAUGHED WHEN I SAT DOWN AT THE PIANO, BUT WHEN I STARTED TO PLAY!"
This legendary John Caples headline is absolutely a seduction to learn more. It sold uncountable piano courses for the U.S. School of Music.
"Where's the beef?!" seduced the fed-up fast-food consumer to deride McDonalds and eat Wendy's hamburgers instead.
Even PT Barnum seduced people into exiting his sideshows.
Barnum's customers would linger too long, clogging up the exhibits, making it difficult to get more paying customers inside.
So, Barnum posted an enticing sign that seduced people into leaving because it sounded like there was something new and fascinating to be seen.
It said: "This way to the egress."
NO, THAT'S NOT A SUGGESTION THAT YOU FOOL YOUR PROSPECTS
But it is a suggestion that the next time an advertiser (or your writer) suggests a doggie command, you show him the truth.
Show him John Caples.
Show him Wendy's.
Show him any number of successful ads that seduce a prospect.
Long ago, someone ate from the Tree of Knowledge and we continue paying the price today.
We might as well use it to our advantage.
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