IT'S NOT EXACTLY STEALING
Today, I'm borrowing from Roy H. Williams. I'm borrowing a phrase from a recent Monday Morning Memo (a fine weekly screed that puts these pathetic rants to shame).
That phrase is "Post hoc, ergo, propter hoc."
Yes, Latin.
"After this, therefore, because of this."
Wikipedia explains the phrase very succinctly: "Since that event followed this one, that event must have been caused by this one."
IT RELATES TO FAULTY LOGIC
I'm inspired by this phrase because of a recurring challenge in small business advertising: the false logic that because a customer delivered a certain response, said response was caused by instructions in an advertisement.
I'm going here because of something that sticks in my craw.
There's a certain non-commercial radio station to which I listen--an excellent local station with deep community roots.
There's only one problem.
LAME SPONSOR MENTIONS
As one might expect, the sponsors are mainly small local businesses.
And most of those small local businesses typically include (a) some gratuitous phrase like, "a proud local sponsor of (call letters)" or "a long-time supporter of (call letters)" or "supporting (call letters for over X years" or something equally significant, and (b) the business' phone number.
Folks, these sponsor mentions are typically just a few seconds long.
If, as a sponsor, you want some sales bang for your buck, why on earth are you saying, "Hey, we sponsor this station and we've been doing it for 7 years!"
It's like me saying, "Hey, it's Monday and I'm sending you this email again--and I've been doing it since 2004!"
This email darkens your mailbox every Monday. Why would I need to tell you I'm sending you an email? You've got the email right there in front of you!
Redundant.
"HEY, LOOK EVERYONE! I'M WEARING PANTS!"
So what?
But I guarantee you, those redundant phrases are there because local business owners endlessly confirm, "People always tell me they come in because they like that I sponsor our local station."
Friend, do they say they like you because you sponsor the station?
Hint: it's because you sponsor the station, NOT because your message SAYS you sponsor the station.
However, in a world of kiddie-pool intellectual depth, the customer response is extrapolated to, "Since I SAID that I sponsor the station, they're doing business with me."
Post hoc, ergo, propter hoc.
After this, therefore, because of this.
Really.
I heard them mentioned in a very, very brief message that resonated with me right then regarding all my "email needs."
(And no, they did not use the phrase "email needs--" which would have made me refuse to EVER do business with them.)
I logged on to Constant Contact and became a user because the message spoke about their prowess with email marketing tools, stirring something in my black and puny little heart.
Nobody said, "Constant Contact is a proud, long-time sponsor of NPR's Morning Edition." In a few seconds, they said something relevant to the intersection of their business and my business, and I took action.
That should be the goal of sponsorship--explaining briefly and poetically how you do something for the end user.
AND NO PHONE NUMBERS!
Folks, let's reiterate this: we're talking MAYBE 10-second sponsor mentions. 10 seconds is just enough time to convey a fleeting message of significance and quickly tell people how to find you.
One utterance of a phone number in a 10-second message is an exercise in futility. Anyone with a brain should understand this.
But here, that doesn't seem to be the case.
Virtually every sponsor on this station jams a phone number into their sponsor mention because someone is certain that everyone listening is sitting by their radios with a crayon in hand, poised and ready to write down the phone number on a big scrap of construction paper.
Any responsible advertising pro knows that using such a device is the height of marketing irresponsibility.
In a world of brief, soft-sell messages with no offer or call to action, (AKA "Brand Advertising,") there is no place for a phone number.
ONLY ONE THING BELONGS IN SUCH A SHORT MESSAGE: RESONANCE
Phone numbers are not resonance.
Until there is a sales pitch, a hard offer and a direct call to action, phone numbers are white noise.
This is science, friends. Talk to a hard core direct marketer or a psychologist. Either one will tell you that research shows it's a pointless exercise.
But--and I actually had this said to me--the phone number "is an identifier."
What?
An identifier?
What on earth does that mean?
ARE WE AUDIO BARCODE SCANNERS NOW?
When talking about digits, an identifier would also be called a "marketing part number."
Do you know anyone who speaks in marketing part numbers?
For the purposes of speaking to busy over-communicated human beings, the NAME OF THE BUSINESS is an identifier.
The business location or web address, if it's strong enough, can be an identifier.
In a world where audio information is streaking past people, a string of 10 digits mentioned once without proper context is not an identifier.
The exception would be a good vanity phone number (1-800-FREE-STUFF) or a number with a strong, recognizable pattern (435-435-4355).
But here is what I can guarantee is going on.
CUSTOMERS--DUH--KNOW HOW TO USE THE PHONE
These sponsors get phone calls from people who listen to the station.
"I called you because you support the station."
And again, in the world of post hoc, ergo, proctor hoc, that is extrapolated to mean, "People call me because the phone number is in my sponsor mention."
No!
They call you because something you said mattered.
They found your phone number by calling 411, going to your website, or (imagine this) picking up the local phone book.
Understand, this is not the exclusive province of my local non-comm. We see this every day in commercial radio as well.
THE RESULTS SPEAK--BUT NOT NECESSARILY FOR THEMSELVES
Advertisers tell you that people are (or are not) finding them because of some mechanism of the advertising.
If your radio commercial has a phone number and no mention of the website, and you're getting tons of traffic to your website, the devotee of post hoc, ergo, procter hoc says, "Well, my radio commercials must not be working because everyone's going to my website instead of calling.
No!
Everyone's going to your website because they've heard your radio commercials and want more information--despite the fact that your URL is not in the commercial.
It does NOT prove that your radio commercials don't work.
IT PROVES THAT PEOPLE AREN'T NECESSARILY IDIOTS!
If they like what you have to say, they're going to find you in the way that best suits them. What you want them to do DOES NOT MATTER.
Sorry to get loud, but this really hairs me off.
One of the simplest ways to demonstrate the fallacy of the importance of a phone number in a 10-second commercial or sponsor mention is to ask whatever professional is asserting the value of it how many times they've used such a number.
Guaranteed, there will be hemming and hawing until the subject is changed.
That, or they'll say, "Everyone else wouldn't be doing it if it didn't work."
Right.
And nobody would be rushing out to buy cases of Lose Weight While You Sleep Juice if it didn't make you lose weight in your sleep.
Except it didn't really work and the Weight Loss Sleep Juice people got their asses handed to them in federal court--after they'd raked in $200 million making false claims.
IF YOU HAVE JUST 10 SECONDS, BE RELEVANT
Somehow, when it comes to making radio, perfectly nice, intelligent, well-meaning people lose all ability to reason. They adopt habits and espouse philosophies and spew rules that make absolutely no sense.
Got 10 seconds?
"My business does this thing that you desperately need right here in town" makes sense.
"My business is a proud local sponsor of this radio station and we can meet all your widget needs 555-291-4978" makes no sense.
This is a game where local advertisers would be well advised to take a page from the national advertiser playbook.
Smart national advertisers, whatever radio station they are on, say something potent and powerful without ever hurling a string of digits at you or telling you they are advertising.
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