The Road To Home Theater Hell

I'M LOOKING AT THE SCRIPT AND I'M THINKING, WOW!

Somebody thinks this actually means something.

I'm guessing the copy was penned by the advertiser and not by a radio station.

The lame, foundering depths plumbed by this script surpass any of a hundred kinds of bad I could imagine coming out of a radio station.

STOP!

Before going any further, please know that you, dear reader, may work in a radio station, but you also know you are not part of the prejorative collective freely maligned herein. The entire reason you read this pathetic weekly screed is because You Are Better, You Get It and You Desire To Join Us Here in Raising The Bar. So, we are not talking about You or Your Radio Station.

Here's the copy...

If you are tired of fighting for

a parking space and dealing

with busy malls, then Smith

Home Theater dot com is for

you! Smith Home Theater dot

com carries all the latest

electronic gear for all your

Home Theater needs. From

Blue Ray Players to HiDef

Televisions, Smith Home

Theater dot com is the one

place to find it all. With

hundreds of products to choose

from, you're sure to find

exactly what you are looking

for, and all from the comfort

of your own home!

Whoa!

YOU MEAN, HERE AT THE DAWN OF YEAR 2010, I CAN SHOP FROM THE COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME?!

Marge, get the kids! Bring 'em in here! We're going to show them how life is screaming along at breakneck speed, about to slam headlong into 1999!

Folks, Amazon and ebay are 15 years old. In 2002, ebay paid $1.5 Billion (yes, "Billion" with a "B") for PayPal. Online retailing is estimated to represent more than $200 billion in trade annually.

If you think your key sales message in 2009 is that your customer can shop from the comfort of his own home, I've got some buggy whips, spats and corsets to sell you.

It's actually astonishing that anyone cogent enough to start their own business could be so startlingly ignorant about how to position themselves.

Here's my guess about what's happening here.

A FIRST-TIME ATTEMPT AT RADIO ADVERTISING COUPLED WITH ABJECT FEAR OF A BLANK PAGE

When confronted with having to write something intelligent about one's business for broadcast, the brain goes into vapor lock.

The writer becomes suddenly embroiled in a vicious battle for control of the blank page, and the blank page wins.

Which is interesting, because the blank page has nothing against that writer.

Instead, that page is merely waiting for someone to come in and control it.

So, just for sake of argument, let's pretend that Smith Home Theater is my client.

The first thing I would do is tell them this...

NOBODY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD HAS "HOME THEATER NEEDS"

Next, I would ask them this: who is your primary competitor?

Let's say their answer is "Amazon."

So, a little comparison shopping at Smith Home Theater and Amazon reveals something interesting: every single product I cross shop between Smith and Amazon reveals that Smith is more expensive on all of them.

At which point, I might just say, "Well, I'm really sorry to say this, but I don't think I can help you."

And turn the client away.

But let's be more generous about this.

LET'S ASSUME THE UNLIKELY: THE CLIENT IS WILLING TO ADMIT THERE'S A PROBLEM AND WANTS GUIDANCE

Here's what a little further digging about this company reveals.

Smith Home Theater is actually an online store owned by a brick & mortar business called Jones AV.

Jones AV has more than 30 years experience in the retail electronics business.

Jones AV is obviously doing something right. Nobody spends three decades in business as a failure.

So, let's also be generous in assuming that Jones AV really does know their stuff, offering exceptional knowledge and customer service.

Take the intangible qualities that make Jones a successful brick & mortar business and convey those qualities to the Smith ecommerce site.

DO SOMETHING TO POSITION THE STORE AS A *BETTER* SHOPPING EXPERIENCE THAN AMAZON

Instead of selling against the idea of a shopping mall, which has no currency, sell against the idea of America's largest online retailer.

Everyone loves a David Vs. Goliath story--especially when there's something in it for them.

There's a reason that, 40 years later, people still talk about the Avis "#2 and Trying Harder" campaign as iconic.

It's because it was all about taking on the giant and doing it by bending over backward to serve the customer.

Amazon doesn't have electronics experts who can answer my every question about the product.

THE BEST AMAZON HAS IS REVIEWS BY USERS, MANY OF WHOM COULDN'T FIND THE HDTV'S POWER SWITCH IF IT WAS INSTALLED ON THE SEAT OF THEIR PANTS

Amazon is selling boxes for low prices.

That's it.

Smith Home Theater could be selling so much more. In fact, they have to be selling so much more than boxes and low prices, because no specialty retailer survives three decades on such a weak model.

And it won't fly in 2010 to try convincing electronics shoppers to avoid the mall.

Instead, Smith must be talking to online shoppers about what Smith can do for them that Amazon can't.

SMITH WILL NEVER BRING DOWN THE GOLIATH THAT IS AMAZON

But with net profits exceeding $10 billion a year, Amazon represents a market that, if challenged properly, could become enormously lucrative.

But the challenger needs to say something that matters.

This is war.

If you want just 1/10 of 1% of that $10 billion, your strategy and tactics need to capture the hearts and minds of your prospects.

"Avoid the mall" is a non-starter.

"Avoid Amazon" is just the beginning.