PLUNGING THE KNIFE DEEP

FROM CRYING WOLF TO CRYING POOR

A friend of mine who owns a small (and very successful) ad agency wrote me to vent.

Can't say that I blame him.

When I read his tale of frustration, I felt for him. I empathized, even.

It made me wonder what I would do if a client told me he was about to commit suicide.

I realize times are difficult. But when does seppuku really seem like fun?

For the uninitiated, seppuku is what is often informally referred to in English as "hari kari."

It is the ritualized cutting of the stomach performed by Samurai to die with honor rather than fall into enemy hands. It was also a form of self-inflicted capital punishment for Samurai who had committed serious offenses--often performed in shame before one's master.

Think the metaphor is a bit harsh?

Stick around.


"YOU CAN SCREAM SALE TILL YOU'RE BLUE IN THE FACE AND NOBODY CARES"

That was pretty much where this fellow began telling the story.

A struggling jewelry store client told him about a fabulous new strategy they were pursuing.

The jewelers had hooked up with a company that specializes in "going out of business" sales.

In this case, however, the store wasn't going out of business. But, one of the two owners was indeed retiring.

The going-out-of-business-sale company created a "retirement liquidation" campaign. According to my friend, "It was cleverly written so as to imply they were going out of business, but just one of the two owners was retiring, so after the event, they're still open."


IS IT JUST ME, OR IS THIS LIKE A BAD EPISODE OF I LOVE LUCY?

Right away, the alarm bells were going off in my head.

this sounds like the equivalent of pounding the stake through your own heart.

But no, that's not the way it sounded to these jewelers. They were thrilled.

In the name of all that is holy, why?

My guess: Pied Piper Syndrome. The liquidation company played a tune they couldn't help follow in this challenging economy.

Says my friend...

The company...gave them pie in the sky
estimates of what the 6 week campaign
would do in sales. I told...the owner of the
store, "Frank, they're full of s**t!" That
was the first and only time he's ever heard
me curse, but I did it so he would remember
that I said it. I also told him that implying you're
going out of business when you're not is
suicide. So they spent a bunch of money
screaming, "Everything must go... 50 to
75% off!" Thank God I didn't have to write
the spots.


HOW'D IT ALL WORK OUT?

Exactly as my friend predicted.

The jewelry store sold only about 20% of the projections they were given. They slid even further into debt.

And, "The residue of implying they were going out of business? Things are worse than they've ever been."

Some people in town think the store is closed.

My buddy is certain that others feel lied to.

If a regular customer walks into the store, they see the co-owner has not retired at all. He's sitting right there in his office.

"I love [these guys], but that was not a smooth move."

Rumor on the street is that they've met with a bankruptcy attorney.


HERE'S THE LESSON AS MY FRIEND SEES IT

"Some categories are going to be tough no matter what.Here's what we should preach... Hey, if you're doing okay in this rough economy, advertising is cheap as hell right now. It's time for you to kick some serious behind!"

One of his other clients, a green home improvement company, had been advertising to beat the band.

Apparently, they just told him to pull their campaign for two weeks.

Seems the hell-bent advertising schedule of theirs has been so successful, they need time to catch up on the backlog of leads.

Not bad for a client who's practically brand new in the market. "They're already taken over top of mind awareness in their category."

"On the other hand, convincing certain types of business owners that you're going to make them rich and thin right now will send that much more of your accounts receivables to collections."

This story would break my heart if it weren't so infuriating.


HERE'S HOW I SEE IT

This cautionary tale is indeed a story for our time.

Any small business owner should take it to heart.

What I hope would happen is that any business owner who's had a trusted marketing advisor for as long as the jewelers had been with my friend--someone who has helped grow their business by leaps and bounds--would seriously consider the warnings of that advisor.

This is a church-going man who trotted out an Anglo Saxon expletive for the first time ever in their relationship--purely so the client would understand how serious he was.

If you had posed this scenario to a third-grader, that of having a retirement sale when you're not really retiring, it's highly likely that child would see the error and the dishonesty of the strategy.

How desperately naïve do you need to be to not listen to someone who has repeatedly proven their value as a marketing guy?

There would have been so many smarter ways to execute the same sale.

But the smartest course?

Buy a whole lot more of that cheap advertising.

Lots of people are still buying. But first, you have to reach them.

As Always,

Blaine Parker
Your Short, Fat Creative Strategist in
Park City